This morning I am sitting here so quiet and so still
Wondering why God has brought me to this place in my life
A transition for sure as I examine my will…
So much pain, so much sorrow, happiness too…
In my world I’m content which seems so taboo
I’d like to think I’ve made a nice life for myself
Then a man points out I’ve put God on a shelf
I won’t deny that part of this statement is true
The church that I went to often made me feel blue
Church is supposed to be an uplifting place
I would leave most Sundays with a confused look on my face
He’d say; “Go out and love others as Jesus would do”
Then say, but But don’t hang with sinners for their a bad influence on you
I was constantly confused for I never knew my place
For many good reasons I stopped attending this place
For me it’s about what God does in your heart
A church is just a building as I see it for the most part
I do miss the fellowship with like-minded people
But I don’t need the building to find such people
I have many clients I have found who love God
Most all of us have been hurt and feel like we’re in some kind of fog
Don’t let one man stand in your way you say
He has no business pastoring in my opinion anyway
He is a self righteous, arrogant man
Who has no business being up on the stand
He is not a people person you say to me
Then why is he pastoring people to lead?
It confuses me as to why God has chosen this man to lead
But I suppose I should not question the one higher than me
I will find out my answers when he calls me home
Until then I’d like to be left alone
Alone meaning not badgered for what I feel or believe
For just because its right for you does not mean its right for me
I think that your view of me is not quite as it should be
But I also believe church has done this to keep you away from me
You made judgements that aren’t even remotely true
For friends don’t do that they come and listen to you
10 years of friendship and you don’t come ask me straight up
You just assume that you see me for what you think you should see
I will tell you my friend that yesterday was quite hurtful as you told me to give up things I don’t even frequently do
We have barely seen each other these last few years so don’t assume that you know me like you used to
Just because you can get past the hurt and the pain
Does not mean that I can do the same
I do not feel like my anger is all consuming
I just wont put myself in the same position to be hurt once again
You say, “She doesn’t know that she hurt you so bad”
Well yes she does because I told her my brother
She appologized for the way she behaved 11 months later
But 11 months is so long when you finally loathe her
She slowly turned everyone against me, I think even you, though you don’t seem to see
Which is a travesty because you are like a brother to me
You can not raise your voice thinking I will listen
It makes me shut down and lash out later as I’ve given myself some time to reason
Who do you think you are accusing me of such things?
You clearly don’t know me and the rest is history….
Maybe someday we can see eye to eye
But please don’t assume I sit around and just lie
I feel like I’m nothing but brutally honest
And for you to question me is what is the oddest
I will come to the funeral my brother
But it will be the last time I step foot in that place
For no one who matters cares enough to see the hurt in my face
I feel so happy you are in a peaceful place
But the hurt that I have was written all over my face
All you could do was tell me I was wrong
Feelings are feelings regardless of fault
Maybe I can say you are a better person than I
But I think many people like me for me
I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not
Not saying you do I just feel so caught
My silence is about to be no more
I will end this here as I say I love you once more….
Confessions of a Nail Tech 