Blogging, Realism, and Cheerleading 

I’m a realist. Everything is what it is. We have the power to changer certain aspects of our lives. We can exercise more, eat less junk, read more books etc….you get the point. What can we not change? Our mental health. We can do things to HELP; like see a psychiatrist, counseling, take medication, meditate, or pray. I personally struggle with social anxiety. I’m super social. I love people. I love random conversations. I love when my fitness instructor pushes me in class. These are empowering. The most empowering tool I have to reduce anxiety is to write.

I take anxiety meds, medication to control my ever changing moods. But at the end of the day, blogging/writing is the therapy that gets me through. I started this blog so I wouldn’t feel alone. I know I’m not alone. It’s scary putting yourself out there for all the world to see. To be vulnerable to criticism. People might think “wow! She’s brave” and if you think that then thank you. But at then end of the day I don’t necessarily see myself as brave. I see myself as a broken individual who is happy to have friends who Accept me for who I am. People I can rely on to be my cheerleaders. I encourage you to find your own cheerleaders. Even if it’s just one or two people. Which is really all we need. We have different people for different areas of our lives. I have my cheerleaders at the gym, my cheerleaders in my personal struggles, my cheerleaders for my mental health….etc. I surround myself with all of these people because it’s what I personally need. What I need may be drastically different than what you need. It’s not wrong it’s just different. I also encourage you to be your own cheerleader! 

Love,
~B

Dreams and Nonsense 

Disclaimer: I deal with uncomfortable topics about myself with humor. I don’t know if anyone will find the humor in this…but here it goes….

I did some blood work and my body was burning through my meds pretty fast. So my doctor upped my dose of medication. Slowly obviously. I’m on an anti-psychotic. Ok, now take that in….I have to sometimes laugh at this. ANTI-PSYCHOTIC…..to quote my favorite author Jenny Lawson, “Just tell everyone in the pharmacy line that your impatiently waiting to get your anti-psychotic and watch the line part like Moses and the Red Sea!” 

(Let me wipe my tears of laughter). 

Quick side note; I just sneezed/laughed and half my anti-anxiety meds just came out. I think it’s justifiable to grab another. I need a good nights sleep which is where this post is going eventually…..

Ok, soooo, I’ve been taking these meds at night because their supposed to make you tired. However; I’ve been having the most VIVID weirdest dreams. I have a friend Jaimie who does nails and I dreamt that she could do an entire sea sculpture on someone’s nails! (She’s fantastic, but wow!) If she could do what I dreamt she’d be a millionaire. Or….people would have sea horses on their nails. Either way it’s a win/win. Because really, who WOULDN’T want a cute little sea horse on their nails! Maybe I should call her….

Ok, I’m getting off track. And for the record, until I started this new dose of medication, I NEVER dreamt. I see as a common theme in the dreams lately is that just before I wake up in the morning my dream usually pertains to my situation currently. Many of you know my children so I’ll protect their privacy…(that won’t last long). One day when I have a book published I promise they’ll get a cut. Actually they probably won’t, because if my son gets into a musical theatre school, and my daughter becomes a veterinarian, this book MIGHT pay for that! Except this isn’t a book. But if you want to pay to read this I can send you my address as to where you can mail a check. It’s for a good cause….children’s education!

ANYWAY….I have these dreams and their so vivid, some are disturbing and some I wake up going “huh”???? I’m still thinking I need to call Jaimie to see if she knows about this ocean sculpture nail stuff….maybe I have telepathy!? 

So, here’s the real test. TONIGHT I’m not taking it. (I really need to sleep). Instead I’m going to take it in the morning. (Will I day dream?) 🤔

Side note: did you know your in REM sleep when your dreaming? I wouldn’t think so because if I can REMEMBER my dreams on a nightly basis, I’m thinking I’m not getting much quality sleep.

I’ll let you know what I find out. Oh, and I changed Siri to the make British dude today because that’s what it was in one of my dreams….that’s right folks! Following my dreams!!! 
~B😏

Mental Health and Meds 

I just got my blood levels back from my doctor and they are extremely low as far as the medication in my blood system. she is upping my dosage by another hundred milligrams. The Anxiety, depression, and paranoia are becoming overbearing. Hopefully this helps a great deal….

I encourage anyone who is on medication to ask the doctors about getting a blood level done for the medication they’re on. It’s Just a simple blood test can be done for pretty much any medication that you use for mental health. Most medications have a range, if you’re on the low end of that range it means that they can up your medication safely. I also encourage you to only go to a psychiatrist not a family practitioner. Family practitioners are not solely schooled in the area of mental health. They are schooled in the area of general medicine.

Got Mental Meds? 

I just got my blood levels back from my doctor and they are extremely low as far as the medication in my blood system. she is upping my dosage by another hundred milligrams. The Anxiety, depression, and paranoia are becoming overbearing. Hopefully this helps a great deal….

I encourage anyone who is on medication to ask the doctors about getting a blood level done for the medication they’re on. It’s Just a simple blood test can be done for pretty much any medication that you use for mental health. Most medications have a range, if you’re on the low end of that range it means that they can up your medication safely. I also encourage you to only go to a psychiatrist not a family practitioner. Family practitioners are not solely schooled in the area of mental health. They are schooled in the area of general medicine.

~B

Got Facebook?

Come like a new page! Where mental illness is not a “taboo” subject….and truly, I’m looking to not feel alone in this journey. Don’t want to post because it’s public? Send me a message, we could chat anonymously and decide to   post it to get feedback (anonymously)….I’m hoping to build a community…..plus we need to talk about relationships, friends, CHILDREN….I love to talk and blog. I’m a tad socially awkward but hopefully you can look beyond that…..I think I’m funny……come laugh, and maybe spend some time on a new page that’s looking for some love and acceptance. 😁🙏😏 you can’t just like this post, you have to come INTO the page and LIKE the page🙏 this is just a promotional post that reaches thousands more people than promoting the page itself. Weird, I know….come on in! 

Confessions of a Nail Tech- The Blog 

~B❤️

  

Confession of a Nail Tech- The Blog

Stepping Off My Soapbox…

 I have a lot to be grateful for…. I don’t see the blessings of my extended family until their upon me. I complain a lot and threaten that one day I’ll disown them. Here’s what I learned tonight….*wait, I need to step off my soap box…..* there. That’s better. 

I’m thankful for my mom- she’s crazy, I try not to be like her but as I get older I know I am like her. I want to be involved in my kids’ lives and I want people to like me and I just want to fit in. Nuff said….

I’m thankful for my first born son- he’s taught me so much about acceptance, love, and tolerance. He’s one of my best friends. We have so much in common it’s mind boggling. We are a mother/son success story. One that I’ll tell someday. 

I’m thankful for my only daughter- she’s taught me that having a teenage daughter doesn’t have to be hard all the time. While we are still trying to figure out how to become friends and keep the mom card in tact; she is a constant reminder that I can break the cycle….she is pure….I will treasure that while it lasts. 

I’m thankful for my little sister!!! She is 7 years younger and she’s so incredible!! She’s free-spirited, beautiful, can tell the best stories, and has a compassion for helping people; that is beautiful. She’s incredible. 

I’m thankful for my youngest Aunt- he love has been a humbling experience. No story in this to ever come….

I’m thankful for my cousin Zac- 5 months sober off a very addictive drug and seeking the wisdom and security of the lord. I looked at him tonight and saw a light in his eyes I haven’t seen in years. He is so handsome and I hope he goes on to fulfill all his hopes and dreams. 

I’m thankful for my Grandma- she helped raise me. She has some cooky thoughts and ideas (I blame her for mine) but she’s 77 so she’s entitled. (I, on the other hand… I’m just self entitled). She makes me laugh. Tonight I had to accept that she is indeed sicker than I want to admit. Denial is a safe place to hide out. BUT….she did look better than last year and she even said so herself. I can’t write anything else without crying so I’m moving on….
 

I’m thankful for my step-son- I’m thankful that he chose to hang out with us and his dad today. 

Last but certainly NOT LEAST I am so incredibly thankful for my husband. We’ve had our fair share of “this is the end!” Over the last 7 years. But we’ve made it this far!!! He had NO idea he was marrying someone who was slightly (*slightly make it sound better) unadjusted by a form of mental illness that’s just debilitating enough to be a problem. I feel lucky he’s chosen to hang out and be by my side. I feel lucky that he’s recognizing when I’ve had to much. Medication adjustments and trialing new ones are the worst. I have to hand it to him for sticking it out. He’s not perfect but I’m pretty sure he’s the perfect one for me. 🙏

*I’m thankful for my friends….I’m
Hoping my transparency weeds out the ones not willing to see me through life’s challenges. I’m 100% in or 100% out. I’m thankful for non-high maintenance friends. We can pick up right where we left off without feeling weird or guilty. Sometimes I fall off the planet due to my head. It’s noticeable when your friends just text you a “hello” or an encouraging word. I try not to be that high maintenance friend who’s needy. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and convinces me that every look, tone of voice, or interaction with someone I care about is more that what it is. The analytical portion of my brain is exhausting. BRAVO…., if you’ve kept up or are wanting to. Relationships are what drive me; my Family, friends and work. I love you all; Even in the moments I crawl into a hole for up to as much as a week at a time. Which is pretty much just my bed those days after Work. I’m going to work on this….

~B

  

We All Possess A Trunk! 

Random fact….”The Trunk or torso is an anatomical term for the central part of the many animal bodies (including that of the human) from which extend the neck and limbs. The trunk includes the thorax and the abdomen.”
So in my screwy way of thinking…I possess a TRUNK! Either way that’s what elephants possess. Just a different body part! SOOOOO…….elephants are BRILLIANT! Which means technically I’ve been right my whole life…I am brilliant! Now if everyone could see this that’d be great! 🙏
(Let’s face it, God HAD to give us a different kind of trunk or we’d all go around looking like we had penis’ on our faces, and THAT would be weird)!😜

Blogging…

I was thinking about a girl I know at my gym. She’s so Encouraging and sweet. She came up to me one day last week and told me that she can relate to what I write and that she feels better reading my posts. (OK maybe not those exact words but close). I figure that even if this page/blog only touches ONE person…it’s worth it. To hear that you’ve made a difference is humbling because I don’t look at myself that way. I’m just a girl, with a lot of baggage, STILL figure out where I fit in. I’m in my late 30’s and STILL trying to figure this out. If that means fitting into someone’s life online so they feel better, I guess at the end of the day I accomplished something. ❤️

My Son Gets a Learning Lesson on $400 worth of “Debt”…

My 16 year old son got a job over the summer at a local restaurant chain. He started collecting quite a bit of money in his tip outs at the end of each week. I told him that he should start letting his checks go into the bank and spend only his tip money. He reluctantly agreed; but soon realized the tip money was more than enough. He also decided that since he got a job he wanted to upgrade his phone which would cost $45 a month for the phone and insurance. I told him that as long as he was certain he could pay the $45 I didn’t care. (I pay for the service).

About 4 weeks ago I got onto his online banking account and realized there was WAY more debits than there should be since he has cash to spend. I totaled it up and he had spent about $400 in unauthorized (by me)debits. I spoke to him and we talked about how easy it is to whip out a card when you don’t have cash. Then I broke the news…I said to him, “$400 adds up fast over a few months when it’s $5 here and $5-$10 there huh? He was shocked that he spent so much that he was completely unaware of. I told him the right thing to do was to pay it back. He immediately started freaking out! “I don’t have $400!” My response was, “if this was a credit card you’d have to pay it back. And since you spent money on your card that wasn’t supposed to be used then you need to pay it back.” He protested that it was his money. I agreed, however the agreement was that he would only spend his cash. He was really upset with me but agreed he’d pay it back in installments. I told him the longer he took to pay it off the more interest it collects. He replied, “I have to pay interest on my own money!” I told him it was the responsible thing to do. I told him this was a great opportunity to learn how “debt” works. A high risk credit owner usually has an annual interest rate of around 22%. That’s about $88 a year in interest on $400. We sat down and I explained that if he divided $88 over 12 months that equals a monthly interest charge of about $7.35 per month. (I didn’t bother trying to explain that monthly interest rate amount decreases as the balance goes down). I’ll get into that another time.

I told my son stories upon stories of how I constantly over drafted my checking account in my 20’s. No one taught me how to be smart with money. I got my first credit card at 21. I had 3….all maxed out and I was in about $5,000 worth of debt until tax time rolled around and I paid it off and started over. (I was a single mom and I got a lot of money back). I never learned until I got married to a financially savvy guy at 28. He taught me everything I know about investments and, savings, and NOT using a credit card to get what you want. I explained to my son a “need vs a want.” It sank in and he totally started to see the picture I was painting! He went to the bank later that week and paid off all but $170 of the $400. He told me a few days ago That he’s been setting 70% of his tip money aside to pay back his “debt”. I was SHOCKED, he was PAYING ATTENTION!

Next week he plans to pay off the rest (including the interest). I told him…”At least your paying yourself back and not a credit card company right?” His response? “Thank God!!!”

I had him put his debit card in a safe place outside of his wallet so the temptation to pull it out was no longer there. In just 4 short weeks he’s been so amazing at saving money to pay his phone bill due on the 3rd of December and pay back the rest of his debt.

This has opened the door to us talking quite a bit about finances, what college expenses will possibly entail, future household bills etc, interest on cars, homes etc. we’ve talked about debt vs equity. I told him that if I didn’t teach him about wise spending and saving habits he’d have to learn the hard way like I did. Not to say it still can’t happen, but at least he can never come to me and say “why didn’t you tell me about this major part of life!”

Daunting debt

My Dream Thanksgiving….

It saddens me deep to my core that my husband and I feel the same way about the holidays. Neither one of us are close to our immediate families. He was close with his until his mom passed away about 1 1/2 years ago. She was the rock….the foundation. This’ll be our first year not attending Thanksgiving at all with his side. It feels weird. My family is coming over, but not my mom or sister. Both for different reasons. But I’m closer to my mom and sister than anyone else who’s coming. It makes me sad that the two people I love won’t be here. Luckily, my mom gets to come teach me and my kids to make pies on Thanksgiving day in the morning. I’m trying hard to have a relationship with my mom as we’ve never been overly close. I’d like to make some family memories with her and my kids. Life is short. You never know when it’s going to end. (I know your prob wondering where I’m going with this). 

Here’s the deal; when my grandmother passes away we will (most likely) stop having Thansgiving my extended family. (Please don’t feel bad for me yet). I have HOPES AND DREAMS of what Thanksgiving will look like in the FUTURE! See, my kids will be adults in 2 and 3 years. Both off to college. My DREAM Thanksgivings would be as follows:

Both kids will arrive home from college; maybe with a friend who doesn’t have a family to go home to. They’ll unpack in their rooms and come tell me everything I don’t already know about their lives. (Because the multiple phone calls home a day won’t be enough). 😉

Upon arrival we will bake in preparation for Thanksgiving; hopefully with my mom, my sister, my sisters husband, and his mom. The husbands will sit back and watch football all day with a drink in their hand. My husband admiralty watching how happy his wife is to have the children home for a short time. 

We will watch movies, visit, and reminance about old times…..This would be the most PERFECT and ideal Thanksgiving…..

I may or may not have cried while writing this…..hoping that someday we’ll look forward to the holidays again because our kids will bring back the significance. While someday bringing home their significant others for us to meet. (For some reason Thanksgiving seems like an opportune time to introduce a SO. (Prob all the sappy movies I watch).  It’ll just blossom…..THAT is my hope and prayer..