So this Happened Today…..

My daughter (14): “Mom we HAVE to go Black Friday shopping this year! Last year I went with _____ and it was sooooo fun! 

Me: “Sweetheart, I don’t need anything bad enough to stand in line for hours….”

Daughter: “But it’s FUN! AND……….(wait for it…) it’s on a FRIDAY!

Me: *baffled and laughing* “Seriously!!!??? It’s on a Friday!!! SHUT UP!!!” *dying laughing now*

Daughter: *laughing and embarrassed* *I can’t believe that just happened”

Me: “Yeah….me neither…..”😏

Depression and the Holidays……This Shit is REAL……

Depression is a debilitating illness. One that strikes everyone at some point in there lives. Clinical depression is where depression cycles continually affecting a persons life. Then there’s circumstantial depression. The depression that comes on merely by circumstances. I call it circumstantial depression. I don’t know if that’s a real term but I’m using it. And if it’s not a term and it becomes one….I’m OWNING that! I’m totally getting recognized for making up some amazing psychological term! Ok, back to my point, Lets face it, the holidays are hard for most people. The more the years go on the more pressure there is to buy your kids the latest this or that. Who can make their house sing? Who can build the best ANYTHING…..I feel like humanity is in this competition and I’m melting under the pressure. 
 Here’s my issue…..(please feel free to share yours when I’m done), The pressure of extended family….for some people this isn’t an issue at all. Some people LOVE and look forward to everyone coming over. As I talk to more people I’m realizing that I’m not alone. So many people feel the obligation to have the holidays with people they only see or talk to once or twice a year. Personally, I’m over it. I’m really close to just canceling Thanksgiving altogether this year. No one in my family gets along…they just “pretend” to like each other so we can bullshit our way through the one day that makes us feel like a family all the while knowing that most of us are silently judging each other. Sad huh? I used to LOVE the holidays. I remember when we’d have Christmas and Thanksgiving and it was fun. Then it stopped. People started fighting, drudging up shit from the past….I CAN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!

You know what I would do if it were up to me? I’d find my friends who don’t have plans for Thanksgiving and invite them over! This would be FUN! Like SOOOOO fun! (And drink wine, sing and dance to Taylor Swift….ok maybe Tay-Tay is taking it a bit far; well for some people. But this is my daydream do I can pretty much do whatever I want). 

 One of the most memorable Thanksgivings I ever had was just after my first husband passed away. I spent it with some friends who had some of our other friends over as well. It was a BLAST! No awkward conversation, no pretending that you like each other. It was by far the most genuine Thanksgiving I remember thus far. I asked my husband if we could do that this year and he looks at me like I was crazy. I don’t think it’s crazy. I think it’s about choosing who you want to spend your valuable time with. And for me….that my circumstantial depression. Please tell me I’m not alone.  
Ps….I just started running. I’m hoping that helps.

~B
  

Confessions of a Nail Tech- The blog is now on Facebook! 

Confessions of a nail tech- the blog

I’m excited to share my journey of being a mom, wife, and business owner with people all over the world. My children are 14 (girl), 16 (boy). I struggle with mental clarity. There’s a diagnosis (for the most part) but I don’t fit just one model….I guess that makes me special and my family LUCKY! 
Much of the material you see is taken from my blog….if needed I will date the material and give a prologue…
A little more about me….I have a Bachelors degree in psychology. I use my degree everyday BECAUSE I’m a nail tech (Hence the page name). 😉 I get to sit and share stories with women all day. I have heard some of the most fascinating life stories! While I wanted to get my PhD and become a psychologist; I decided that raising my children needed to be my first priority. 
I was married to my first husband for just under 2 years before he committed suicide. I have since remarried to a wonderful man (even though we drive each other crazy…A LOT 🙈). He has chosen to love and accept me for who I am; and in my opinion I can be a handful at times. 
Thank GOD for my amazing psychiatrist. The medication seems to be working. 
A little about my children….My son is gay (if this bothers you this is not the place for you). He is one of my best friends, when I’m not wearing my “mom hat.” I’m developing that friendship with my daughter but must use my “mom hat” a bit more often with her. My daughter is fierce; she’s a go getter and wants to become a rescue veterinarian. My son is meant to be on stage. He plans to study musical theatre. 
I support the right for people to be who they are individually. Gay, straight, trans, pan sexual, A sexual etc. Finding who you are and where you belong in this world can be scary and uncertain. I wish it didn’t need to be this way. 
I am respectful of all beliefs even if mine is not the same as yours. I believe in Jesus. If you don’t, please don’t leave….I carry NO judgement. Judgement is not my cross to bear. I’m liberal and believe in women’s rights and feminism. (And I believe in Jesus) Crazy….I know. 
This is a supportive, positive environment. No bullying will be tolerated. Please play nice and share your stories….support one another. It’s going to feel nice knowing I’m not alone in this “The struggle we call life”; especially when dealing with any form of mental illness while trying to make our lives as normal as we can tends to bear some form of weight for everyone. 
Please keep in mind this is a public page. The reason I decided to do this was so I could promote it. Invite people to join me….A closed group does not allow me to promote the page. 
Trolls will be deleted and banned. Please message me if you have a concern. I will respond as soon as I’m able.
And if you’ve managed to stay and read this far….maybe you’ll share this page with your friends. ❤️
Let the journey begin!!!!!
For those of you who know me I have chosen to keep my identity private from the public who doesn’t know me, only because it is I’d like to protect my children at this age. I’m not putting any sensitive material on there but there might be a little bit from time to time. Mostly I want to protect the identity of the people around me that I tell stories about.😂

The “Heart of Judy” 

My forever inspiration....Judy....

My forever inspiration….Judy….

Tonight I went to my former hairdresser’s Celebration of Life. When she started doing my hair she was 60, I had just turned 21. She died at a young age of 71. Judy was incredible. Judy walked me through the pregnancy of my first child and how incredibly scared I was. The shock of finding out I was pregnant AGAIN less than 2 years later (again scared to death). She was supportive in my reasons to leave my children’s dad, then watched me have an affair, marry that man, and then helped me walk through the agonizing death of that same husband who committed suicide. She then encouraged me through the courtship and marriage of my current husband Gary.

In the 12 years that Judy was my hairdresser she heard many MANY stories about my life as you can see. Constantly walking me through the weathering of storms. And clearly, as you can imagine just from the above, brief description, she held my hand through a lot. She wiped my tears, hugged me like a second mom/grandmother. I NEVER once felt judged for anything I did even though I knew that she knew some paths I was/had taken were wrong. Judy would listen, nod, and give gentle words of encouragement; gentle words of wisdom. If I could describe it, I would describe it as playing the “devils advocate, with the heart of Jesus.” So tender and loving, but always speaking the truth even if wasn’t what I wanted to hear; It’s what I needed to hear. She ALWAYS spoke truth in love and prayer.

Tonight, as I reminisced in my head all the accounts of my life I had shared with Judy, I had what some would call a “come to Jesus moment”. You see, Judy loved fiercely. She never judged; 12 years I spent with Judy. In 2009 I became a nail technician. In that time I started working in a salon with my dearest friend Tina. I decided it was time to “try someone new” (as I recently heard from one of my own long-time clients). With Judy I felt like I had reached the end of an era. I made an appointment to go talk with her. As I told her I was going to try Tina, she looked at me with the utmost love in her beautiful eyes and told me she understood, would miss me so much, asked me to please come visit, and gave me the most beautiful and fierce hug I will never forget.

As I walk in the same shoes, as a nail tech, being a “sober man’s bartender” for lack of a better term; experiencing and embracing my clients lives; I’ve come to realize I have not extended that same grace to my clients who’ve left. I’ve had several clients leave, all for different reasons. Two specifically were very painful, as I loved them fiercely, and walked with them through many journeys in their lives. I have to wonder…..why didn’t they come to me as I had Judy? Was it because they thought or knew I would be upset? As I sat tonight pondering my most recent encounter with my friend/client Tricia, I realized maybe she didn’t think she could tell me. After prying enough, through what I knew was coming, she told me she wanted to “try someone new” that it wasn’t personal, she loved my work, and that she still wanted to be friends. I wasn’t Judy in that moment. I wasn’t the heart of Jesus. I was angry, I felt betrayed, I took it personally because she had been with me for 4 years. We spent time together outside the salon; just like Judy had with me. I was with Judy THREE TIMES longer than Tricia has been with me. To top it off I ranted on Facebook about it leaving out her name. I know she had to have seen it and it probably really hurt her. It probably solidified what she thought might happen if she’d just told me the truth. I do believe I would still have been hurt; but less hurt had she come to me in person; however maybe she didn’t know this.

I want to be a Judy. See….if things didn’t work out with Tina, Judy would’ve taken me back in a split second. No awkwardness. I made it awkward for Tricia to ever possibly come back. But what I want her to know is that I learned tonight that no matter how much you care for someone; they may decide it’s the end of their era with me. Maybe they’ll be back. Maybe they won’t. But it’s my job to make sure everyone feels as though they would be welcomed back. I plan to apologize. I don’t know what will happen. But whatever does happen…..I’ll be ok with it. I know I messed up after tonight. I feel terrible.

Tonight I gained perspective, moments of clarity, and knowing I have the ability to make new choices and become wiser. I hope she can forgive me, that we can have that dinner and drinks she originally suggested. I hope it’s not irreparable. However; if it is….I’ll gracefully take the blame. 99% of this could have been avoided if I had approached it with a “Judy” heart.

I think I might make a sign for my shop that is always in my sight that says “approach this from a “Judy’s heart” knowing that means no judgment, no hard feelings. I plan to attempt this in all aspects of my life. Not just my business life. Many people have extended grace to me when I’ve messed up. It’s time to have Judy and Jesus’s heart and do the same…..
~B💗

#Ripcity

So last night I attended my FIRST Portland Blazers game with my husband for his birthday weekend. We had a blast! We were told to put on our best “game face” and post it on Twitter with the #ripcity. So I did!!! I LOVE Twitter! Later that evening we made it on the local Portland news!!! Just wanted to share! We saw it when we stopped in a bar a little while later! We wish we could’ve heard what they were saying about us!!!

2015/01/img_1800.jpg

2015/01/img_1801.jpg

Kindness, Blame, and Optimism……

2015 did not start out the way that I thought it was going to. In fact it started out in what I thought would be the most amazing way and actually really started out in the most disastrous way. I feel hesitant to get into how much of that is the reason because so many people I know read my blog. But what I can say I’ve learned is that in 2014 and in all the years probably prior to that, I’ve just had a very negative undertone to my life. Things never really went the way that I felt like they should. I never had the job that I wanted; things never turned out in my love life the way I wanted them to. I never really wanted to be a wife or a mother and I am indeed a wife and a mother. And I wouldn’t change this for the world PLEASE let me clarify THAT. I think the children I have were brought into my life to settle me down.

However, I’ve recently learned that when you sit with your thoughts you tend to get angry about the way your life has turned out because you dwell on the “this isn’t fair, this is not the way it was supposed to turn out!” Type of thinking. When I got back from LA at the beginning of the year I still was not in a very good space, it took losing a client (even though there were faults on both sides) it took me almost getting divorced like REALLY, REALLY almost getting divorced to shock me back into reality. And when I say shock me back into reality and shake me back into what I want out of life I mean that I actively had to start seeking out what were the most positive things I had going in my life which is really hard to do when you’ve been thinking about all of the negativity in your life for so long.

It’s not an easy task to just start thinking positively overnight! I went into dialectical behavioral therapy for all the wrong reasons, I went into it as a last ditch effort to save my marriage. I never really went into it for just me; for just the improvements it would do for my life. I guess it’s really no wonder why I was still miserable after two or three months of going to this class and going to therapy and not getting anywhere. I wasn’t applying it to MY life.

There’s a lot of things that I have become extremely bitter about over the years since my first husband died, I have taken them out on my husband now who doesn’t deserve it in the least BIT, if anything he’s just tried to be there for me as a shoulder to lean on and all I do is push him away and be mean to him because I’m angry at my life and the way it turned out which is certainly NOT his fault.

See blame is an easy thing to do because it puts the focus onto something or someone else and never really ever puts the focus back on yourself. The blame causes you to never have to take responsibility for any situation. And while I never really thought that I was doing this, unconsciously and consciously I was doing this the the extreme.

Right now I’m just learning to live in the moment, I’ve never really done that before, I’ve always lived in the past, or lived in the future. I’ve always thought about what could’ve been or thought about how I want things to turn out in the future. But I’ve never really sat in the present and really embraced it. This is the longest I have ever kept one job. As of February 2015 I will have been a nail tech for six years. It is the longest I have ever had a career. I will be honest it has not been my first choice in careers. I have a bachelors degree in psychology and it has been my dream to go on to get my Masters and my PhD. I really hope that I can make those dreams comes true, but for now I really want to enjoy every single person who walks through my doors and listen to their stories and embrace each person with the love, kindness, respect, so that the leave my shop feeling better than when they came in. I know that I will have rough days because I do struggle with borderline personality disorder, but I’m getting better and I can feel it. I was so resistant to medications for so long, but I can feel them working, and as I am applying the dialectical behavioral therapy to my life; in the last week I can also see it working. I am also starting to use a little bit of prayer and meditation. I used to be extremely close to God but that’s a whole Nother story for another time. I still love God very much it’s just another story.

I am learning to think before I speak. I’m learning that I don’t have to be so quick to react, I am learning that I don’t have to fix the situation right now. I’m learning I don’t have to prove that I’m right in every situation even if I feel like I am. Sometimes it’s just better to let things go and roll with it. And if you know me that’s a really hard one….lol.

I hope to prove that a Chemical in balance in the brain does not have to overtake you; that you can be stronger and better than what you’re given in this lifetime. This is just one of the many struggles that I have chosen to write about. To be honest I didn’t realize how incredibly difficult it was going to be to put my whole self out there into the world and talk about myself so blatantly honest the way I have; knowing that I have so many people following me on my blog who know me personally.

Be kind to one another, when you’re out in the world, give a half smile to a stranger, it’s not weird it’s KIND. It’s not flirty it’s just being kind. We live in a time where smiling at people is now considered flirting or a half smile at somebody is interpreted in a devious way. This is so sad to me. Kindness should be so much more implemented in our world and that’s what I would like to see in my life going forward. The children of our society need to see us be kind to one another so that they can grow up and pass that forward. Don’t you want your children or your neighbor children to grow up learning how to be kind and loving? Ponder that today as you go through your day.

Love,

~B

2015/01/img_1647-0.jpg

Giant Boobs….EVERYWHERE!

So I totally have permission to tell this story and I find it absolutely hilarious! I am a nail tech if you haven’t caught onto that already. I could not stop laughing because I work in a 12 x 12 shop all alone so these things just never cease to amaze me! I was sitting in my chair doing this clients nails. And we’re talking about boobs. We were talking about how she does not have the crease that most bras create because her boobs are so ginormous!

Looking down at my own boobs I thought I really don’t have a crease either, although I’m a double D but not a huge double D. My poor friend sitting in the chair really doesn’t have any boobs at all so she just wishes that she had something. As we’re sitting there talking my client literally lifts up her shirt to show us that she has zero crease in her bra!!! But what I did notice is that her bra and was extremely pretty and her boobs were enormous! What TOPS it all off, is that she not only pulls up her shirt, but she pulls up her entire bra and LAYS her boobs ON my table and proceeds to inform me that they are indeed 12 pounds each!

So, I casually ask as I am dying laughing, “how do you know they are 12 pounds each?” Her response was absolutely priceless! She responds, “I weighed them on my pot scale, of course!” At this point I absolutely think I am going to Piss my pants from laughing so hard and now I am running like 15 minutes behind because I am distracted by Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” playing in the background and these giant boobs laying on my desk!

You do see how incredibly hard it would be here to work on somebody’s hands when they’re huge size F boobs are in your face RIGHT?! It was like a train wreck…. you just can’t look away! And here’s the deal, there are real. If they were fake I would totally be feeling those up, but they’re not, there real so I really didn’t have any interest except in her putting them away so I could finish her nails and I am laughing just writing this! My friend who is visiting me is dying just witnessing this Mayham! I get her to put away her boobs, I finished her nails, and by far that is one of the funniest stories I have being a nail tech!

~B

Wife Suckage

Sometimes I really suck at being a wife. Actually MOST OF THE TIME I suck at being a wife. I am about to contradict myself on a lot of levels here, so bear with me. I am the FIRST to say I am sorry to almost anyone including my husband. I am stubborn, mean, and in general a fairly disrespectful person with him at times.

The problem is this….we got married to fast, certain bargains that we agreed to were not upheld, (on both ends) and in general I am pretty much a bitter bitch at times. Now, while everyone else gets to see how WONDERFUL he is, and he is….there are so many people who think I am SOOO wonderful as well….these are the people who do not have to deal with us on an everyday basis, because IF you did, I GUARANTEE you would divorce me, and maybe him as well. I am the “cut off my nose to spite my face kind of girl.” If I do not believe I am in the wrong, I will refuse to apologize.

Now, in saying THAT I will say THIS, I am the FIRST person to apologize when I have done something super shitty and uncalled for. I believe whole-heartedly that apologies are the only way marriages survive. However, just because YOU believe you deserve an apology does not mean the other person:

1. is ready to give said apology

or

2. believes they are wrong.

I have never been one of those people to applogize just to make things better….HELL NO! I do not believe in saying things you do not mean (when your sober).

“Life Hacks” Mom-Style….

You’re welcome! No one ever shared this information with me, so simple yet…..

I, for the first time, was teaching my daughter how to separate her darks from her lights when doing laundry. She tends to build up a lot of laundry since she is a 13-year-old girl! When she realized that I was going to sit next to the washing machine, and help her differentiate what was light and what was dark, she informed me that she knew how to do her own laundry. I told her she had enough laundry that she was going to have to do two loads anyway so she needed to learn how to separate her lights from her darks. She reluctantly let me help her, asking periodically if something was light or dark.

When we finished, I told her that it wasn’t that I was trying to tell her what to do….it was just that I was trying to help her realize that clothes are getting more expensive, they aren’t made as well as they used to be, and if you can save something from being ruined because you worked hard to buy it then you should. I think she realized I just wanted to help her and she thanked me.

I told her to look at it this way, look at it as though I’m giving her “Life Hacks”. Not really trying to tell you what to do, just trying to make your life a little easier in the long run for when you get older and move out. “Life Hacks, not “my way or the highway!” Well at least until curfew is an issue anyway….. But that’s another story for when she’s a little older.

Every….Single…Day…For the Last 7 years….

“This Love”

~lyrics by Taylor Swift

Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in

And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will
Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again
And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone

In silent screams,
in wildest dreams
I never dreamed of this

This love is good, this love is bad
This love is alive back from the dead
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me

Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new
And I could go on and on, on and on
Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you
But you’re still gone, gone, gone

Been losing grip,
oh, sinking ships
You showed up just in time

This love is good, this love is bad
This love is alive back from the dead
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me

This love left a permanent mark
This love is glowing in the dark
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me

Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave
Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees
When you’re young you just run
But you come back to what you need

This love is good, this love is bad
This love is alive back from the dead
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me

This love left a permanent mark
This love is glowing in the dark
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me

Love,
~B
4cf3ab54ae0aa29bd76ad94a2fb6327a

“Darling I’m a Nightmare Dressed Like a Daydream…..”

I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan, like I swear half the time she writes her songs with my personal life in mind. Yes, I know half of America who love her feel the same way.

Right now I’m in escape mode and I’m using her new album 1989 to do so. I feel stretched in like 500 million different directions and none of them are good enough for anyone (or so it feels). My children and 13 and 15 and other than their infant stage this is the most needy they’ve ever really been, yet trying to spread their wings. Lots of questions on my part like, “where are you going, what are you doing, who are you with…etc. Not just with MY kids but several of my daughters friends as well because that’s what being a good mom does…..she nests ALL the little chicks in her nest! I just feel a duty to these kids to keep them on the straight and narrow (trying at least)!

I have a dream about my business that I am trying to look at making a reality, but since no one has ever done it, it looks like I would be developing a brand new idea in the realm of psychology which is exciting yet terrifying since apparently I’m not giving enough attention to the areas that are important. I THINK about what it would be like to not be married anymore….what would that look like for me? What would that look like for my children? Would we be happier? Would there be no more tension? No more eggshell walking? I’m not easy to live with, I’m sure I could be worse but I am sometimes LITERALLY “A nightmare dressed like a daydream.” I’m pretty on the outside but fiercely vicious on the inside. I’m currently working on this in therapy. Anger is powerful……so is love…..so is narcissism….it all feel goods because it’s safe, if makes you feel in control…..theres something to be said for my favorite lyrics:

“Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
“Oh my God, who is she?”                                                                                                                                                                                   But you’ll come back each time you leave                                                                                                                                               ‘Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream”

Here’s the deal…..I’m EXTREMELLY black and white. I WANT to work on myself. Make myself a better person I feel like the only way to get this accomplished is to take a hiatus after my kids graduate high school. BUT…..there is a constant risk…..what if this…..what if that? Like these lyrics…..that speak so true….

“We’re all bored, we’re all so tired of everything
We wait for trains that just aren’t coming
We show off our different scarlet letters
Trust me, mine is better

We’re so young but we’re on the road to ruin
We play dumb but we know exactly what we’re doing
We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom
Honey, life is just a classroom

‘Cause, baby, I could build a castle
Out of all the bricks they threw at me
And every day is like a battle
But every night with us is like a dream”
We need love, but all we want is danger
We team up then switch sides like a record changer
The rumors are terrible and cruel
But, honey, most of them are true….

~B

 

'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream'

‘Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream’

 

 

I Just Want These Feelings Back Someday….

“Everything Has Changed”
(duet with Ed Sheeran)

[Taylor Swift]
All I knew this morning when I woke
Is I know something now, know something now I didn’t before.
And all I’ve seen since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles and your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel like

[Taylor Swift]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

[Both]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
‘Cause all I know is we said, “Hello.”
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

[Ed Sheeran]
And all my walls stood tall painted blue
And I’ll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you

[Taylor Swift (Album version) / Ed Sheeran (Remix version):]
And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies
The beautiful kind, making up for lost time,
[Album version:] Taking flight, making me feel right
[Remix version:] Taking flight, making me feel right like

[Both]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
‘Cause all I know is we said, “Hello.”
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
And you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

[Bridge]
Come back and tell me why
I’m feeling like I’ve missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh.
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it’s not all in my mind.

[Taylor Swift]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
All I know is we said, “Hello.”
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

[Taylor Swift]
All I know is we said, “Hello.”
So dust off your highest hopes
All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed
All I know is a new found grace
All my days I’ll know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Love,
~B
everything_has_changed-479136

Last Kiss…..

If I could go back and say some final words…..

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Away

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th 
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I’ll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don’t know how to be something you miss
I never thought we’d have a last kiss
Never imagined we’d end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you’re showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I’m not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There’s not a day I don’t miss those rude interruptions

And I’ll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don’t know how to be something you miss
Never thought we’d have a last kiss
Never imagined we’d end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it’s nice where you are….

And I hope the sun shines
And it’s a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind…..

So I’ll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don’t know how to be something you miss
Never thought we’d have a last kiss
Never imagined we’d end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last…Kiss…..

Lyrics~ Taylor Swift

Love,

~B

tumblr_m1vnyhDh8s1qiezmeo1_500

A permanent solution to a temporary problem…..that’s suicide…..