Tag Archive | personal

In My Daughter’s Eyes….

Jan9

One of the pictures from the fall photo shoot I took

One of the pictures from the fall photo shoot I took

I have raised my daughter to have a good head on her shoulders, to think clearly and to be level-headed. I have been teaching her, her entire life, to NEVER accept anything less than what she KNOWS she deserves justly and fairly. I’ve taught her that if someone wrongs her she needs to call them on it and demand an apology or walk away until they can do just that; because “YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!” In saying that I have listened to my daughter come home everyday from school since she was about eight years old and tell me about her day. She would always tell me about the most recent conundrums in the girl-world. She would look at me with her big brown eyes and I would gently ask “would you like some advice?” and generally speaking she would always say “yes.” She would go to school the next day with her newfound information on how she should handle a situation and so many times she would come home and say to me; “I told _____ that if she is going to be mean to me then I can’t be her friend right now. I told her that when she can treat me with kindness, and apologize for being mean then we can be friends again!”

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! This little angel with blonde hair and brown eyes was LISTENING and IMPLEMENTING things I was teaching her. She was quickly becoming a confident little girl who accepted nothing less than to be treated with fairness. Soon enough she was telling her friends at school, “If that’s a choice your going to make than I can’t hang out with you.” One of my favorite memories was when my daughter was in 6th grade, she actually TEXTED her friend’s MOM and told the mom that her friend wasn’t wearing her helmet while skateboarding to school. She said to me, “Mom I warned her that I was going to text her mom, I told her that all it takes is ONE time for her to fall off her skateboard and she could get SERIOUSLY INJURED!” I thought I was going to pee my pants from laughing so hard and being so proud of her at the same time! Victoria was quickly becoming a young adult I could respect.

I’ve always desired to be close to my daughter; she will be 13 in March. She has always been more of my stoic child,; not showing as much emotion as my son. She rarely cries except when she’s truly hurt physically or emotionally. However, I would like that to change about her, I would like to see her be more vulnerable…not just to anyone, just to me. While we are very close, I desire to have a closer relationship with her. While I know I can’t be her best friend quite yet, I do desire to find a friendship with her that is more than just being her mom. We have a BLAST together. We are always, laughing and playing around. This year has been our toughest year by far but I also think it’s whats helped draw us closer. Victoria started 7th grade this year…yes I know….middle school nightmares. I will tell you this, I am not sure who was more of a basket case the first 12 weeks of school her or me. Victoria has always struggled academically compared to her brother, but I have never compared them. Victoria just requires studying harder. The first nine weeks of school I thought were going to kill me emotionally. New friends, new grading system, new clothes style, but the newest development???….BOYS (this is new, and its SCARY), and I’m pretty sure that there were a few time I thought I was going to go over the edge of insanity.

She met this boy, we will call him “Jon.” This kids started pursuing my daughter in August before school started. I finally allowed her to have him over when we were having a giant pool party. He was a nice enough kid, but I kept my eye on him. As the story goes he broke her little heart by taking another girl to the movies when she was grounded, and she cried. Then of course, like the douche bag most 13-year-old boys are he declared “I made a mistake, please take me back!” and unbeknownst to me….she did. We sat down and had a real heart to heart talk about boys. I told her, if your willing to accept that this young man took some girl that you can’t stand to the movies then what will you be willing to allow boyfriends in the future to do? I proposed several scenarios in regards to her later years:

Me: “What will you do when your boyfriend of one year tells you that he expects you to have sex with him on the night of your junior prom when you are 16, or 17 years old?

Victoria: Of course I will tell him NO! I won’t be ready for that!”

Me: (playing the boy) “Well if you decide that you’re not going to give it up then we are going to break up, because we’ve been together for over a year and all my friends are having sex and I’m tired of waiting!”…..(as I proceed to look my daughter dead in the eye and say to her with the most absolute seriousness….”THIS-HAPPENS-ALL-THE-TIME.” She looked and me and said, “Seriously?” And I said, “absolutely!” The look in her eyes told me that what I was telling her was CLICKING!

I went on to tell her that she has to learn how to completely ground herself in her morals and values so that she will not be shaken to waver. I told her that if she starts accepting small douche baggy things from boys NOW, that she will eventually start accepting even bigger jack-ass moves as she gets older and it starts running into her adult life…(I wish I would’ve had someone to tell me these things when I was a young adult). She said to me “I never thought about it that way, but that totally makes sense!” I let him stomp all over my heart and then I TOOK HIM BACK!? WHAT WAS I THINKING??? My only response was; “Sweetie, you were thinking with your heart, and not with your head, and this is very common. However, if you condition yourself NOW as to what you will put up with and what you won’t then hopefully you will have less heartache and make better choices when it comes to guys.” (Mind you she isn’t allowed to GO anywhere with a boy at all! This is just what they call it at school…(you remember right)?

I want to teach my daughter to NOT accept what society is telling her is OK, but to accept what she knows to be true and right when it comes to her morals, and integrity. My daughter continues to make me proud, but when she messes up she knows it. Victoria is pretty aware that she is spoiled with “stuff”, but as fast as that “stuff” was given to her, it can be taken away just as fast! I take absolutely no crap from my kids’ I also try to be fair and just. I believe in giving them JUST ENOUGH rope to hang themselves with. My kids also know that if they DO hang themselves the consequences are not remotely worth whatever poor choice they have made. So far, I am very proud of both my kids. I am so proud of Victoria for removing herself from a few girls that didn’t have her best interest in mind and realizing that if a guys breaks your heart he’s out of luck….there is no room to be a douche bag to anyone.

In my daughter’s eyes, I want to be her hero, I want to be her voice of reason, the person she can go to when she needs truth and honesty, because no one else will give it to her….

Enough said….I hope my story can help other parents of young girls….

~B

Victoria sitting with Kay, Victoria made the scarf Kay is wearing....

Victoria sitting with Kay, Victoria made the scarf Kay is wearing….


Learning how to water plants and take care of the water feature in our backyard....

Learning how to water plants and take care of the water feature in our backyard….


Another pic from the fall photo shoot I did....

Another pic from the fall photo shoot I did….

Not always…..

Jan8

I want to make something really clear. I LOVE to write! I love to hear what people have to say in regards to my writings. What I need you to understand is that I will NOT always be inspirational. Sometimes I will be off colored, and possibly a little crude. Inspirational is who I genuinely am, but I am also light-hearted with wit and humor. I sometimes like to go for “shock effect” so to speak. This is also part of who I am. I do NOT want to be thought of as some stuffy, uptight Christian girl who thinks life is all about rainbows and unicorns, because this would NOT be an accurate picture of me as a full person. Sometimes I feel like I have turrets syndrome and say the most RANDOM things like, “You face looks like a giant vagina, you should wax your lip and chin!” (just an example, I have never actually said this…BUT I have thought it!) It’s because I seriously have a weird sense of humor. I’m also very open about my life which is cause for LOTS of feedback, which is fine. If you have the need to tell me that you feel like I and “going to hell” then you are certainly welcome to do that, but know that I will strike back so hot that you will wish that you kept your mouth shut….This is MY blog, and MY life, so I am going to run the show, not my readers. Would I LOVE to have a giant group of followers someday? Absolutely! But that takes time. I am NOT looking for instant fame, or for fame at all. I am looking for people to follow me who are REAL. People who have everyday, shitty problems, that sometimes need a laugh. I want to provide humor, wit AND inspiration. There can be balance. So I will say this now, I am SORRY if I offend you in any way as that is not my intention. However, I am a human being with real thoughts and feelings and I plan to show it off from time to time. Life is short, and I plan to be whoever I want to be without dictation from anyone. As long as I am not hurting anyone than I don’t remotely see a problem. If you start to read a piece I’ve written and decide “This post isn’t for me” then I encourage you to immediately click out of it. BUT….DO NOT JUDGE ME….some of you know me and some of you don’t. I wear many hats and like I said, while I like to be inspirational, I also like to be a bit off colored; its part of what makes me….ME…..

~B

This random psychedelic bus I saw parked at the beach last summer. I was enamored that someone DROVE this! AWESOME!

This random psychedelic bus I saw parked at the beach last summer. I was enamored that someone DROVE this! AWESOME!

My friend Cristy and I at a reggae concert last summer! OMG!!! One of the most fun nights ever! (I am on the left).

My friend Cristy and I at a reggae concert last summer! OMG!!! One of the most fun nights ever! (I am on the left).

My children...they TOTALLY take after their mother!

My children…they TOTALLY take after their mother!

My motto in life.....

My motto in life…..

Kay…”You teach people how to treat you…”

Jan7

Kay and I met at our friend Pam’s son’s first birthday party on a June day in 2005. I remember there was four of us girls that got to know each other that day and have, in one way or another, been a HUGE part of each others lives. Kay says she will always remember what I was wearing when she met me. It was a little red and white plaid jumper…Kay, Pam and I became fast friends. Kay and I had a connection that I will never be able to explain. We were able to talk over one another, yet still complete the conversation like pros. We could finish each other sentences, it was amazing. It’s rare in this life that your able to find a girlfriend that can complete you in so many ways as Kay has for me over the years.

In 2006, Kay and I took our first road trip together, we packed our bags and headed to Portland, Or where we were going to see BON JOVI! We were like two 16 year-old girls that day. We played his newest album so we’d know the lyrics to all the songs. I remember laughing so hard on that trip. It was one of the best memories of my entire life. This was a friend I would have for life…I mean this woman taught me how to make DRINKABLE coffee without flavored creamer! YOU CAN DO THAT? “With enough milk and sugar, you can do anything.” she said. This road trip was only the beginning of something special between the two of us.

On my birthday, May 2, 2006, Kay took me shopping. She was determined to get me out of my “Ugly Jesus shoes” (they were brown Birkenstocks), and I LOVED THEM….Kay hated them. She said I had “amazing calves” and I needed a heel that would “elongate my calves.” At that point in my life I was lucky to have an elongated WAIST, let alone CALVES! I still chuckle as I remember her words. I will remember that day forever, it was so much fun, We shopped for HOURS, ate lunch, and she found me the perfect heels to go with all my dresses…I still have them…and I will keep them forever…

Later that year, Kay, Pam, and I all went to a Christian conference together called Women of Faith with our church. I remember that conference taking my faith in God to new heights. I believe the three of us shared a hotel room that year….but I could be wrong, I can’t remember. We sat together, we walked together, we encouraged one another. I had just gotten married, to Craig, the year before and it was an extremely tumultuous marriage. Kay and Pam were always encouraging me to be better….to do better. These woman had been at this whole “God thing” quite a bit longer than I had. They never once made me feel like a burden when I would call them crying, but would bounce me between them so neither one of them got burnt out. I totally can’t blame them; I was a complete basket case almost the entire 2 year that I was married to my first husband.

Kay and I spent a lot of time together having coffee and tea and talking about what life means and how we could continually to grow in God. She was my INSPIRATION to be a better person. I remember her giving me the analogy that the holy spirit is like a seed, if you water it, it will grow, but if you neglect it, it will shrivel. I was always struggling to water my seed and I still struggle to this day. I struggle with why God allows certain events to take place in our lives…

In the summer of 2007, my entire world came crashing down around me….I recieved the news, on a Monday, August 27, 2007, at work, that my husband had committed suicide. I remember my world completely stopping. (I will write more on this one day, but not today). I called another friend at the time to come get me from work, and I went to stay with her. Pam took my kids that night and I think they spent the night with her. I remember calling Kay and begging her to please come get me as I needed her, as I wasn’t in the right home at that point. Kay and her husband came and gathered me up. The moment I walked into their house a sense of peace came over me, as this would be my home for the next week. Kay made sure I ate, I remember her feeding me crackers…they were these sweetish kind of crackers that I could nibble on as I wasn’t eating much (go figure). I think she made me eat a weird salad the next night because I needed “My veggies.” Kay drove me around to every appointment I had that week. I barely remember a thing from that week as it all happened so fast. I remember she drove me to the funeral home and I just couldn’t make any decisions, and she kept telling me “No decision have to be made today.” I think we left and went back another day. Kay helped me with all the phone calls, hosted a brunch for me and Craig’s family, found me a lawyer, and walked me through the entire grieving process. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. I believe, if my memory serves me correctly, the funeral was the following Monday, Labor day, 2007. I believe Kay and Web sat behind me at the funeral, but I really don’t remember. I stayed one more night at their house the day of the funeral, and was gently encouraged to return home the next day. A week had gone by; in fact I’m pretty sure I would’ve stayed longer, but my children needed me and Kay and Web assured me that I was going to be ok. They told me they were only a phone call away if I needed them.

I returned home from Kay’s to a completely SPOTLESS home, Pam came in and completely wiped it clean with the power of her soul. My floors were mopped, my carpets vacuumed, everything dusted, bathroom cleaned, and mine and the kids’ rooms were cleaned. Pam is a “behind the scenes” person. She is like a little angel, she always popped in when I least expected it, but somehow always knew when I needed it most. (She has a huge role in my life and will get her own story one of these days). These are the only two women I have remained friends with after all these year. The only two women who never turned their backs on me when things got rough over the years.

In the summer of 2008, I remarried to my current husband Gary. Kay and Pam were my Matrons of Honor, and my sister was my maid of honor. See, I couldn’t choose just one. My sister was a given, but Kay and Pam were my backbone, my sisters in Christ, Kay being the older sister, Pam being the middle sister, and I the youngest. Web, Kay’s husband gave me away; he will always be the brother I never had. Kay gave the most beautiful speech as she cried, and we all struggled to hear what she was saying. Because that’s Kay, ALWAYS crying in sadness and joy. I don’t think there is a moment that I can think of when we haven’t been together and Kay hasn’t cried from SOMETHING. Generally it’s laughter and joy, but oftentimes it’s just her heart. She has one of the purist hearts I have ever witnessed. She CONSTANTLY was trying to keep me on the straight and narrow path as I constantly tested her patience with my zigging and zagging. Oh the stories she could tell you!

In January of 2010, we got the news that Kay had stage three colon cancer, I remember being so scared. I returned only a fraction of what she did for me by taking her to several chemo appointments, and visiting her as often as I could. She is one of the strongest fighters I have ever witnessed a day in my life. Kay praised God every step of the way, sometimes wondering why her, but I also remember her saying “Why not me?” Kay never thought she was above anything or any situation; Kay just constantly said, “I don’t know why this is happening, but God will see me through it!” and He did…..after a surgery and 8 months of chemo, she was cancer free. She BEAT COLON CANCER!!! We were all so incredibly relieved.

I think I’m still in denial. It can’t be true, one of my best friends, longest friends, one of my timeless friends….was diagnosed with brain cancer on the eve of her 50th birthday…December 6, 2013. Kay has been given only 6-9 short months to live. Kay has decided to forgo radiation and try to beat this with a very special, extremely restricted, diet called the Gerson diet. It’s been proven over and over that cancer can, and does, get beaten with an organic, special blend diet that is VERY EXPENSIVE. When I talked to her last she had been on the diet for 4 days and felt FANTASTIC! I believe that through the power of prayer, family, and a good wholesome diet with the certain organic foods, SHE CAN BEAT THIS!!! And YES, I am going to ask for YOUR HELP! See, we are all on this earth to help one another. If we all gave just $10 (that’s TWO STARBUCKS COFFEES) that would be enough to continue to feed her this very expensive, special diet and hopefully will save her life.

I just don’t understand how this can happen to such a beautiful person. Kay has been an inspiration to me for YEARS. She’s the one who taught me, “You teach people how to treat you.” Those words will be passed down from generation to generation in my family…all from this ONE person. HOW CAN ONE PERSON HAVE SUCH AN AMAZING EFFECT ON SOOOOOO MANY PEOPLE I WILL NEVER KNOW……

See, all things happen for a reason, If I hadn’t met Craig chances are I wouldn’t have 2 of my best friends now, Pam and Kay. I can’t imagine these two women NOT being in my life forever. PLEASE help me, help my inspiration. Kay is one of the reasons I continue to walk with God even when I am so angry and would like to turn my back on Him.

I humbly ask that you take a moment to pray, or if your spiritual, then to just ask whatever high power you believe in, to touch your heart and donate to one of the most worthy people I have ever met….The link is posted right here….

http://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/y3q3/susan-kay-beeman-cancer-fund#

Kay and her husband Web

Kay and her husband Web


Kay and her husband and Gary and I's wedding 2008....never seen two people more in love!

Kay and her husband at Gary and I’s wedding 2008….never seen two people more in love!


Kay giving her Maid of Honor speech...

Kay giving her Maid of Honor speech…


Kay leading us in prayer before my wedding...

Kay leading us in prayer before my wedding…


Me, Kay, and Pam and my wedding shower...T

Me, Kay, and Pam at my wedding shower…


Kay and Web

Kay and Web

It’s a Fine Balance…

Jan4

I believe a balanced life is a difficult life to obtain. Balance is extremely delicate. Balance means knowing what you can personally handle and when you need a break. Balance means knowing when to schedule “you” time. I’m not very good with balance. I tend to be over focused on work, my kids, and running my business which is a nail salon located next door to my house. I feel like I live a very privileged life and I am by no means complaining. I have children who are good kids, a wonderful husband, and dedicated friends who constantly have my back. I created this blog to give me some “me” time. It’s my way of sorting out my thoughts while receiving feedback from my readers.

A little about my current life, I have two teenagers who are almost 13 and almost 15. I was a pretty disconnected mom when they were little causing me to feel like I needed to overcompensate for my inactivity in their lives once their step-dad died. When my husband passed away when they were 6 and 8 I realized how I needed to step up my game as a mom and earn the title….so to speak. I promised my son and daughter that I would NEVER again allow someone to come between us the way I had allowed my former husband to. In response to this my 8-year-old son says to me, and I quote, “Your here now mom and that’s all that matters.” Children are so forgiving. Please don’t mistake me as a mother who abandoned her children for that was not the case. However, you know those moments when your present but you’re not really present? That was me…I would use the tv as a babysitter, I would call their dad or my mom to come get them as I was selfish and wanted to hang out with my then boyfriend whom I later married….big mistake in some ways, but in others I’m not sure I would be who I am today without that experience. So maybe God saw an opportunity to teach me a few things along the way since I I was hellbent on being stubborn.

I got married to a man I’d known for years 10 months after my first husband passed away.Gary and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. For the record, I never cheated. Some people assume that since I got married so fast that I must have been cheating; that was not the case. In our case, I was involved a church that preached heavily about not having sex before marriage which was pretty much the basis of why we got married so fast. Don’t get me wrong, I believe Gary and I would have ended up getting married eventually, just not as fast as we did. But since we did, “honor God” I do believe that God helps us out when things are sticky around here.And this last year has been hell. I think I started to develop a drinking problem this past year, and suffered horribly from depression. As I have stepped back, I have realized that I don’t have a drinking problem. My problem is that I was horribly depressed for many reasons which made me want to drink. Since I have gotten my hormones and depression under control this is no longer an issue. THANK GOD!

My point is this, I am a mom FIRST, because my kids did not ask to be brought into this world, a wife second and everything else comes after that. My husband would argue that he comes last, and in all reality he is probably right. See, I am OBSESSIVE about raising good human beings, I’m extremely dedicated to my job, and friends, and when it comes to my husband (who is AMAZING) I am typically stretched so thin that I oftentimes just want to retreat to being alone so I can just veg out. BECAUSE I AM HORRIBLE WITH BALANCE!

For example, we had quite the bombshell dropped on us several weeks ago. Since it had to do with one of my children it’s all I have been dealing with for the last several weeks…which is totally fine. My son desperately needed me and I was happy to be there for him. However, I am EXHAUSTED mentally! Between that situation and working an extreme amount of hours during the holidays, I have had NO downtime. This is the first weekend my kids have not been home in several weeks. Their dad and I used to split them one week on and one week off; we’ve been on that schedule, for the most part, since they were one and three; so their entire lives. They came to live with Gary and I full-time in May of this last year. It was quite a change having them full-time. It was overwhelming but ultimately the best decision for the children. Honestly, I was ELATED that this was the new plan, because I am ultimately the better parent (Brian, their dad, says the same thing). My kids and I have developed a new-found bond that is tighter than ever. Now that they have reached junior high and high school they need someone who can focus their full attention on where they are, what they are doing, and it works out perfectly.

However; I still need to find balance, I need to find a better balance, one that makes my husband feel more included, and part of me wonders if it really exists…..Any thoughts?

This post only gave you a tip of the iceberg on my background. I promise to continue to post posts that will put a lot of detail in more perspective. If you would like me write a specific post, on something you would like to know more about, please feel free to comment and ask.

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Quiet mornings…will they ever exist?

Jan3

This morning I was looking forward to sitting here drinking my coffee, writing a new post, and enjoying the SILENCE that I never receive due to having a family. For example, I figured my husband would sleep in today and I could have about an hour of blog time. However, he must have heard his beautiful wife get up to seize the day which has resulted in him now wanting to chat my ear off! The dogs are running around like maniacs and my peace and quiet is no longer. I will CHOOSE to not be annoyed by this, but to be thankful that I do have a family to cause the little bit of disrupted time I do have and “go with the flow.” My creative juices are best when it is utterly QUIET….when the doggies are in their beds, there is no rustling of the newspaper beside me, etc….etc….Can anyone relate to this?

This is where my blog is ending for the morning. I am going to CHOOSE to not let my disrupted fantasies of a quiet morning ruin my day , but to be thankful that I have people in my life to disrupt my quiet morning…lol. Because this year…2014, I choose to be INSPIRED and to be INSPIRING despite these little annoyances. I hope you all have a wonderful day! I am off to work to INSPIRE clients with meaningful conversation, and to send them off with BEAUTIFUL nails that they will hopefully marvel at for the next 3-4 weeks before I see them again!

Have a SUPER-FANTASTIC DAY!!!!

~B

This is a picture I took at the beach last summer. It inspires me to be thankful and to be happy!I have also included a picture of my hubby and one of our beloved pooches, Bailee our labradoodle, to give you a visual of my family….Have a great day!

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