This whole blog thing was so
That I could write without judgment. I shouldn’t care what people think about what I write but it’s been brought to my attention by a couple people in my world. It makes me want to delete this and start a new one that no one knows me on. Is this blog really making people view me more negatively? I must wonder what people are t saying but thinking. But then I think, do I really care? The whole point was to NOT care. That’s turning out to be harder than I expected. Unexpected criticism is a blow…. Any thoughts on this? Please?
I always wanted to write a book….Apparently this is extremely cliche. Apparently EVERYONE on WordPress wants to write a book. I will settle for blogging because it gets my thoughts out into the world like RIGHT NOW…Would I sell out to something that isn’t me? What is me? I am 36 almost 37 and just when I think I have “me” kinda figured out…I don’t. I feel like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde sometimes in this world. People say “Be the Change You Wish to See”, “Think positive and you will gain positivity!” Do THIS and you will gain THAT! But what is THAT exactly? My theory is that if I am supposed to do the one thing that I feel like I was born to do, and that it write, then somehow it will be. When I started blogging, just 45 short days ago, I had NO idea what kind of world blogging held. I thought I had all these amazing ideas and truly I did but, someone else has thought of so many of them as well. So I guess I will just go on, being me and hoping people like to read my work…
I really just want some peace and quiet. I LOVE my family but there was a time in which my husband worked every other weekend and on those same exact weekends I had methodically made it possible for those to be the EXACT same weekends that my children went to their dads. I’m not a very good “married” person. I tend to like my space, I don’t want to hear Ax-Men playing in the living room while I’m trying to write this post…The guy that narrarates Ax-men makes me want to poke my eye out with a VERY SHARPN stick! Since my kids are teens and they know I am super emotional tonight, they have both come down and given me kisses and hugs and have retired to their rooms for the remainder of the evening. I fee like I would love to rent a cabin on th beach all by myself and just get lost in writing. I don’t know that I am very good at writing, but I love to write nonetheless which is clearly why I started this blog.
I do wish I could generate some damn comments, I won’t lie. It would be nice to interact with other bloggers in the world. But you know what I have discovered since I have been blogging these last few weeks? I skim….I skim until something catches my eye. In my opinion I have written LOTS of good blog posts, but in all reality I am just another random girl, lying in her bed, writing about my life. And just when I thought I’ve come up with an original idea, BOOM!!!! someone or 50,000 someones have already written about the exact same thing and sometimes I swear they came into MY head and stole my BRILLIANT ideas. Like how none of this related? It’s because I am writing literally whatever comes to mind, because its MY blog and pretty much the only place in my life that I can do whatever I want….which I won’t lie…is a pretty amazing feeling.
I also didn’t take the time to edit this because I’m feeling lazy…and a little depressed.
“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”
Is it just me, or does anyone out there write pieces and put them in their “drafts” for a while? Is anyone even reading this? I am a TINY ant amongst MILLIONS of bloggers out there. I had this preconceived, DELUSIONAL notion that my writings would be so riveting that people would flock to my page! Oh….how I was sadly mistaken. I get ridiculously excited when other bloggers “like” my posts, or OH MY GOD……FOLLOW ME! I’ve only been at this blogging thing for a few weeks and I have met a couple of really nice people. I want to ask them to follow me because I LOVE their writings so much! I want to be a blog people want to read. I want to be a blog people want to follow….lol. I feel like I’m back in school when we would move to a new place and I was the “new kid on the block” and I would be looking for other kids who wanted to be friends with me….I SUCKED at making friends!
I like the writing challenges I am seeing like Zero to Hero….I didn’t see this until a few days ago. Maybe I’ll catch the next go-around if there is one.
I’m new, I’m nerdy, I write a lot of inspirational stories, and a lot of very real stories. I’m getting ready to post some that are very personal to me. This is my way of “venting.” I want to make friends….hey YOU….yes YOU….reading this….”Want to be friends?”