Depression Won’t Hold Me Back….

Feb5

Depression talk is just so taboo

No one wants to talk about it; people can be so incredibly prude…

No one should be ashamed of how they think or feel

Yet so many people sit back and pretend it’s not real…

Why do we not want to talk about depression?

Because no one wants to be on a ton of medication…

Whether it’s anxiety, bi-polar, schizophrenia, or just plain depression

It’s hard for a lot of people to state their confession…

To confess when they feel like sometimes their just broke

Why is this so hard? Maybe it’s times to provoke…

Maybe we need to just sit back and toke a good toke?

For some people they just need the balance of medication

For many it might be as simple as some good meditation…

We need to light a candle to raise some awareness

Depression should not be taboo, that is the least fairest…

No one should feel ashamed of what is out of their control

No one should feel like they want to hide in a hole…

People get the idea that if you suffer with mental illness your dumb

I bet those are the same people who are nothing but numb…

In my opinion we all need to sit back and learn that its ok if we all just relax…

Mental illness is nothing to be shamed

For there is no reason anyone needs to be blamed…

I have depression, for I will not lie

But I sometimes ask God, why, oh why?

But then I remember I am loved by so many people

That I no longer have to be loved by only the people at the steeple…

Depression and anxiety often hold me back

But I’m learning that me, myself, needs to relax..

My husband loves me for all my imperfections

Even when I can’t see my own true reflections…

So when you find yourself unlovable in every way, shape and form

Remember there really is no such thing as “the norm”…

~B

Kay…

Feb5

How do we process death being so final?

It seems like only yesterday when all I did with you was smile…

Now the world seems to be fading away

But I know when you go, with God you will stay…

How amazing you will feel no longer in pain

But without you hear there will be so much pain…

You are an angel on earth who has taught so many

I can’t believe there will be a day that there isn’t any…

You are but one of the most amazing people I have met

I feel lucky that God put us both in his net…

Until the next time I see you again

I want you to know Kay, your forever my friend….

Ode to a Special Friendship…

Feb5

I don’t know how you stay so strong

I wish I knew how to be strong; like the rock your upon…

Your friendship is like no other I’ve seen

I want to put you in my pocket and just keep you with me…

How do you know just when to care?

When all I can do is just stand at a distance and stare…

God has you so closely wrapped in his hands

I know you will be safe when reality lands…

You have grown so much in all of these years

Through triumph, happiness and all of our fears…

I didn’t believe that we would always be friends

But now I know that we’ll be friends till the end…

I want you to know I will always be here for you

I know in my heart you’ll be there for me to…

“I love you” comes only once in awhile

But when I hear you say it it just makes me smile…

You are but a rock that I see so mighty and strong

And I know that our friendship will carry on…

Through years of happiness, troubles, and grief

You are the rock in many of my beliefs…

While one was to you, believe me, you are to another

I can’t imagine you not in my life like a baby to it’s mother…

Once grown apart and brought together again

I will never take our friendship again in vain…

Soon this will pass and we will be left with our tears

But I know we will have each other to share our fears…

You are my friend and many years have passed

I just want you know Pam, I believe our friendship will last…

Teachers in my area plan to strike AND I SUPPORT IT!

Feb4

OK, two days ago I was on the phone for over an hour with one of Victoria’s teachers. Here is what I got out of the conversation: Phil Long states that our kids will continue to receive a “quality education.” My response to this is” “How will my kids receive a quality education when they are being BUSSED to a DIFFERENT school for 4 hours a day! That is absolutely absurd. We are in a different society now than we were many years ago and it is very scary. What if some random act of violence happens because of this. I know this is a possibility regardless, but it could REALLY be a possibility now! I could go into all of the “what if’s” but I’m not going to. Also, our kids will be getting packets to learn with and that is not a quality education. The strike will continue for as long as there is no agreement Amber. Also, this is going to cost the school board 500k a WEEK to hire and put up these 600 substitute teachers! Why won’t the district put that money into OUR teachers instead of bullying them into signing an unfair contract!? The district also came to the Medford teacher 5 years ago and said they were going to be 11 million dollars short. The Medford teachers decided they would help the district by paying more in benefits, and making some other compromises; the district PROMISED the teachers that when the economy got better and they received more money they would go in and take care of the teachers who made these compromises in order to help the district. The district received 9 MILLION DOLLARS a little over a year ago and NOT ONE PENNY went to the teachers. INSTEAD, administrators got quite a stealthy raise, money was put into several programs, and they hired 14 new teachers! I am just sickened by what I am hearing because the media is not reflecting the TRUTH from the teachers, they are only enlightening the public on what the district WANTS the public to THINK. I am so incredibly glad that I dug deep tonight and had this in depth conversation with my daughters teacher. I have made my decision…my kids will NOT be attending school while the strike is happening. I want to keep my kids safe, and I want to send a message to the district AND my kids that you can not BULLY people into doing what you want them to do! Isn’t this what we teach our children in the first place? This isn’t about money, this is about what is RIGHT and JUST! I personally feel that this is an opportunity to teach my kids to stick up for what is right. To dig deep and find out the answers!

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Adult children….is it strange?

Feb3

It’s a weird feeling to think that in several years I will have grown children. What is that like? What is it like to have children that are adults. They can make their own choices legally, yet you see them make mistakes? How hard is that? Most every parent experiences this with their kids. I don’t look forward to that day. I envy so many woman who open up to me and discuss their children with them. We all parent the way we do for certain reasons due to, generally, something in our childhood…good…or bad. I really respect all the types of moms out there because we are raising our kids in diffrent worlds than when we were kids. IT’S HARD. How do we even do it? I won’t lie, I’m more scared about my kids become adults than I am about them being teenagers.

But then I think…I’ve raised very responsible children. I’ve raised children to use their inner voice. I’ve raised children who know right from wrong. I’m super involved in their lives, I’m their mother first and their friend last. It’s always fun when I can take a moment to be their friend. But general speaking I’m mom. I’d like to believe their friends like me. I know for a fact my kids like hanging out with me. I have a terrific relationship with them.

So really, why am I afraid? I’m giving them all the tools they need to become responsible adults. I really don’t need to worry. Will they make mistakes? Absolutely! And hopefully they will learn from them. Right now I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the last years I have left. I only have 3 1/2 with my son and 5 1/2 years left with my daughter. That time is going to go by so incredibly fast. Don’t take moments for granted. Enjoy your time with your children.

I love you!

~Mom

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Mantra Monday: Perfectly Imperfect

Feb3

Wonderful message

Meg Everingham's avataryogalina

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Can’t we all benefit from this simple reminder? Constantly striving for perfection is an unrealistic & burdensome way to live. Letting your authentic self shine, cracks and all, will inspire others to let go of the confines of the perfection game too.

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Dear Craig….Did You Know?

Feb2

This was published on another blog site. I was so honored…

Dear Craig,

I was 24 and fairly naive when you met me. You were 16 years my senior. Did you really think it would work out with me? Did you have any idea the kind of corruption that you would leave on a fairly innocent young girl? You were my mailman at work, we had an instant connection, I know you felt it too. I met you in August 2002, by February 2003 we were having sex in the backseat of my car while our significant others were at home taking care of our children. I look back and feel so horribly guilty…..

I look back now and think about how selfish we were. There is no denying how much fun we had together that summer in 2003. We were so carefree and so incredibly selfish. It was the first time I ever tried smoking pot and decided I LOVED it. It was the first time I tried almost anything we ever did together. It was the first time I ever fished, camped as an adult, jet skied, played cribbage with someone other than my grandparents. The first time I traveled out of the country, the first time I went to a baseball game, the first time I went to San Francisco. The first time I ever had a step-daughter whom I loved so dearly. The first time I shot a gun….the same gun that you committed suicide with. You shot yourself in the HEART, in OUR BED I guess I should thank you for not ruining your viewing. How could you leave me to clean up such a mess? How dare you! Did you know that I was called that evening and blamed for your death because I chose to move out in hopes that you would clean up your act?

Did you know how much I loved you? Did you know that I gave up everything in my world to make you happy, but at the expense of my young children? You didn’t care, you were self-involved. When things were good, they were really great, but when things were bad they were really bad. You were always giving me false hope. Do you remember getting so drunk that you hit your chin and bled all over our floors for 2 days before you called me…it ended up that you broke your neck….one millemeter over and you would’ve been paralyzed forever. Do you remember tearing the wine bottle out of my hands as I cried and my knee got shoved into a screw? You were arrested and forced into rehab. But still, 4 months later you didn’t change.

Do you remember our first Christmas as a married couple? You were drunk….and the next year you were drunk again….it was a never-ending cycle with you. I look back and wonder why I loved you so much. Why did I put so much effort into someone who clearly didn’t give a shit about me or my children. I pretty much missed the first 6 and 8 years of my children’s lives by trying to take care of you, before I realized that YOU had to want it. But you didn’t want it. You chose the cowardly way out. You chose to get drunk, load your gun, put it up to your chest and SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEART! HOW???? No note, no anything, just leaving all of us with unanswered questions, hurt and pain. Do you care? Are you remorseful? Would you take it back? Did you have second thoughts as you pulled the trigger?

Did you know that I had to go back to our house the day you committed suicide because we grabbed the wrong paperwork in the garage…the real paperwork I needed was under our bed. Did you know that I bravely walked into our bedroom, saw the hole in the mattress and touched it to see if it was real? Did you know I looked under the bed to see if the bullet went all the way through? Did you know I cried next to your bullet hole until Kay had to drag me out of our bedroom? Did you know that I missed you for years? I missed our fun, I didn’t miss the drama. I focused for years on the fun, because it was too hard to focus on all the bad. I glorified you like you were such a great husband when in reality you were the WORST husband. Did you know that every time you told me I needed to lose weight that I would starve myself for days? Did you know that everyday that I came home I wondered what I was going to be coming home to?

I can’t help but wonder why God allowed you into my life. Maybe it was to make me realize that I needed to be a devoted mother. Was it a lesson in cheating? Did God allow you to commit suicide because we started out as an affair? Did God take you from me because he knew I needed permanent relief from your addict ways? Did God know that you were hurting more people than it was worth? I will never understand why you did what you did. I can’t imagine the hurt and pain you must have felt when you decided to load that cold gun. How many bullets did you load it with? 1….3….6? Did you know I was required to go pick up the gun from evidence? It sat in my garage for a year before I decided to call the police department and have them pick it up and destroy it. I don’t know why it even took me that long.

Did you know that I got married 10 months after you died? I think it was God’s way of saving me from going off the deep end. I think that he knew that Gary could handle everything that life was going to throw at us due to the ramifications of being with you for six years. I have seen Gary inebriated TWICE….he has taken care of me though more times than I can count. Did you know that your horrible ways rubbed off on me and I became a mean, nasty, horrible bitch? I blame you, but I also know I have to take responsiblity for allowing myself to go into such a space. Did you know that because of you I suffer from a mild eating disorder and self-image problems. Did you know that Gary is always telling me I am beautiful? Something you never said until I lost 62 pounds. Did you know that Gary knew he was going to have to be patient so my wings could heal?…For I had 2 very broken wings and could barely pick myself up off the ground.

Did you know that all our friends approved of Gary as being good for me just months after you died? Did you know that Gary and I met in early 2003? I dumped the relationship because you left your wife…again, and wanted to make it work with me. Gary has known me for YEARS, while you never really knew me at all. You just knew how you wanted me to be. You wanted a young, hot wife that you could brag about and spoil. You bought me anything I wanted but never could fully give me the one thing I needed and wanted so desperatly….and that was love. Did you know that Gary gives me that one thing I have always been looking for….love? Did you know that he’s never expected more than I can give? Did you know that he deserves the best wife in the world, but he gets a broken one instead. BUT….I am working on becoming a better wife. I’ve pretty much mastered the mom part….You always told me that I was a terrible mother, but for all the wrong reasons. I am a phenomenal mother with a bond that can never be broken with these children.

However, I struggle with being a wife. I struggle with compromise, I struggle with respect, and love, and kindness, and self-control. But, would I know my struggles if it weren’t for you? I may never know….what I do know is that you had a sick hold on me. I feel sorry for your family, but so much of a part of me is glad you died so I could move on. I wonder if you hadn’t died if I ever would’ve been strong enough to escape you….it’s been 6 1/2 years since you died…

Did you know I only told a FRACTION of what I went through in our marriage? Did you know this is the hardest thing I have ever written…..

Goodbye Craig….I hope you found the peace you were looking for….

Trust your Instincts….

Jan30

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Emotions….

Jan30

So many if us are led by our emotions especially if your a girl. No matter how old I am, or how logical I am I still fight my emotions. I fight the urge to make compulsive decisions based solely on my emotions. I know this isn’t necessarily healthy, but my children tend to rule my emotions the most. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so incredibly connected to them?

My daughter just texted me to tell me that she just got an “A” on her science test and yesterday she got an “A” on her social studies test. This is phenomenal accomplishment for her. She has been working so hard to earn the right to take her riding lessons. Because it doesn’t matter if she has the money, she has to get good grades on all her tests in order to ride over the weekend. It’s a motivator.

My husbands job is hanging in the balance causing me to not be able to fully commit to the lease of her horse. The owner of the horse is an incredible human being. She’s allowing me to lease her for February knowing it could be the only month we lease her for. Can you imagine telling YOUR daughter “I’m sorry honey, the dream I do desperately want to give you is over because we can’t afford it.” My daughter is also a phenomenal human being. There will he tears but ultimately her maturity will allow her to understand. There is also the possibility that she could still take the riding lessons without actually being in 4-H. It’s just hard to imagine how painful it will be to tell her that something I could readily afford for the most part just got ripped away from us.

How awful is it that money is the one thing standing in the way if my daughters dream to ride? Money is seriously the root of all evil. We work and work to earn a descent living and in the blink if an eye someone can come in and rip it out from underneath you.

~B

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AKA: Nails by Bridget

Jan29

I LOVE to write, I hope you love to read! You can follow me on twitter (I don’t tweet everyday, and other days I’m super annoying @bridgetwehde. You can follow me on my Instagram business page at Nails_by_Bridget and you can follow my business page at http://facebook.com/pages/Nails-by-Bridget/202733683114481

I don’t know why the link button can’t just work for me…I mean why is it there if it won’t actually LINK a page to this page, I will never know. I have looked it up a MILLION times and can not get an answer. If you have an answer I will love you forever!

~B

Why I hate being a wife….

Jan29

Simply put? Because I’m not good at it and I hate to fail….

OK, just so you know, I approach most hard-to-deal-with subjects with humor, because it makes me feel better about my short-comings as a human being, because quite frankly I SUCK at this human thing quite a bit…especially the wife part….

Let see…Me as a wife in a nutshell… I am controlling, stubborn, mean, always right, egotistical, self-centered, impulsive, narcissistic, and sometimes down-right cruel.

My husband? Completely the opposite of me….kind, loving, thoughtful, others-centered, patient, good-natured, WONDERFUL overall husband!

How we’re still together? It can ONLY be GOD! It is the ONLY explanation I have….

I won’t lie, I pride myself on the inside about being good at many things that I do. I feel I am good at raising well-balanced children, maintaining a decent small business, and being a good friend. The one thing I SUCK the most at? Being a wife. It’s the one area that I contradict myself the most on. I expect things out of marriage that I am not necessarily always willing to give in return. I am not good with compromise, and I’m not good with forgiveness. Now…don’t get me wrong, I expect all of these from my husband, BUT I am not always great about returning the grace. It’s a terrible quality to have, I am NOT bragging clearly. Being a mother did not come naturally to me either. It took me YEARS to figure it out. I won’t say I have mastered it, but I think I am pretty good. But being a wife? Not so much….

Ugh….I have been married (this time) for 5 1/2 years (I don’t count the first one since he passed away, and I wasn’t married to the kids dad). Now and I can tell you that it’s been pretty miserable for my husband. It hasn’t ALL been bad, and I absolutely do not take full responsibility for where things have gone wrong. I wish I put my foot down FASTER in some areas, would’ve been more assertive in other areas, BUT the one thing I WASN’T, was NICE and LOVING. I feel like I was generally nice at first (like in the beginning), but when the results weren’t what I thought they should be; I was a venomous snake. See, I believe that I am right about things like 90% of the time, and truly I do believe this. I have had a lot of life experience and I think I am very smart, and intuitive most of the time. I had a marriage counselor once tell me, “You can be 100% right and be dead WRONG at the same time.” I was very confused by this statement. What she meant was, you can be right about something but completely wrong in your delivery, making the other person not even wanting to hear you out. How true is that? I will agree with her that it is true, but I am hot-headed with a short temper. Ask anyone who’s ever dated me.

I am working on this and I have a VERY patient husband. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like everyday of his life has been a living hell, CLOSE…(lol) but not everyday. I have done some things to make it better, and I will share these with you.

1. Kids, I learned early on that our kids are our kids SEPARATELY, meaning “You parent yours and I’ll parent mine.” We have very different parenting styles and I prefer mine. Clearly my kids have to do what they’re told by him, and be respectful to him, but for the most part I do the “parenting” portion with my children…I prefer it this way. It’s not the way I WANTED it when we got married but it is unfortunately the way it ended up. Step-families are very complicated and just because you think you have it all figured out BEFORE you get married, well I hate to say it my friends, but I bet you are sorely disappointed if you, yourself, are in a step-family situation. If you CAN parent together in this situation, my hats are off to you!

2. Money, You make yours and I will make mine. If it were up to me, we’d have separate accounts and just split all the bills evenly, but it’s working OK how it is jointly, we just don’t see eye to eye on how to handle our finances. I say that if this is the case, and you make a fairly equal amount of money or can split the bills evenly so that its overall fair, and everyone is happy…DO IT! Finances are NOT worth fighting about especially when it can be solved with separate checking accounts. I am completely for this. My husband is not, which is fine, we shall continue to see how this works out….

3. Sex, I have a TERRIBLE sex drive. There are 5 MILLION different reasons why this is and I will only list a couple…I think a lot of this is attributed to the fact that my estrogen was sky-high at 654 (it should be at 124, and is currently at 234). According to my doctor this is what has made me want to KILL anyone and everyone in my path (my whole life) about 2 weeks out of the month. She actually asked me how I wasn’t locked up in a loony bin with these numbers. (I asked her if she could admit me to the loony bin just so I could “go on vacation” for a few days. She got a good chuckle out of that. I also had like NO progesterone. Sky high estrogen – no progesterone = a VERY BITCHY woman! My doctor has me on progesterone, an estrogen blocker, and just before Thanksgiving I recently asked for an anti-depressant because the hormone control was not working solely as a problem solver like I thought it would. I LOVE my anti-depressant! I would eat that stuff like it was damn candy! If you’re wondering, so you can get yourself some happiness, and will-power to live, I am on Wellbutrin (300mg) BEST SHIT EVER!!! No weight gain side effects, and I think my sex drive has slightly improved.

I really am trying a harder to be a better wife but sometimes its just HARD! I don’t want to compromise and most of the time, lately, I just want to be alone, which isn’t fair to my husband obviously. It’s not like I don’t like him or love him, I totally do, but sometimes being married interferes with what I want to do, decisions I want to make without consulting another human being etc. I KNOW this is selfish so you don’t have to tell me. I am a MAJOR work in process and quite frankly I don’t know how he does it most weeks. Personally I don’t want to put up with me most days, so I really think God sent an angel because ONLY an angel could put up with me 99% of the time. Clearly I am very difficult….but hey, like I said, I am a work in progress…

So Husband, IF you read this, please know that I love you, I am completely aware of my shortcomings, and I am working on trying to be better…but I think it is going to take my whole life to really get it right….So for all the things I may do in the future that are shitty, I would like to take the time NOW to apologize…just to save time. lol

Love,

~B

Be kind to yourself….

Jan29

Everyone deserves self love….

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I am NOT perfect…

Jan26

It recently came to my attention that someone close to me in my life believes that I think I am “perfect.” While I strive hard to achieve certain goals in my life I do not by any means believe I am perfect. I think I am a well-balanced mother, I think I have developed a business I can be proud of. I am not a very good daughter and I am not a very good wife. I struggle with these two roles because of my past and things that are beyond my control. I would like to get better at these roles, and I do believe that I have made excellent strides in doing so over the last 7 months.

DO I wish that sometimes I didn’t drink so much, once in a while, causing me to be mean to my husband….absolutely. Maybe I just shouldn’t drink and maybe that is something that could be worth looking into. HOWEVER; I feel like I take on a very heavy load of activities all week-long such as work and raising my two kids. I will FREELY admit that my husband is fairly neglected because I am a mom FIRST. These kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world and it is my job to make sure that I raise the best humans possible. I have to succeed at my job or I will have no income to help provide for my family. I rarely do anything for myself any more because I am so wrapped up in what is going on with everyone else….I have become THAT person. Anyone who knows me personally know I am pretty selfish and putting anyone elses needs before my own is a travesty. I have also come to understand that being selfish just is not a good trait to have.

We live in a step-family situation. Did you know that due to our personal situation that our pastor told us before we got married that we have an 80% chance of getting divorced? I can totally see why now that I have been married for almost 6 years.

Why?

1. My kids come first…

2. I have a full-time job….and to me it’s not just ANY job. It’s a job that is mentally draining due to all the conversations I have all week with people. I LOVE my job. Plus, I am self-employed so if I don’t work, I don’t get PAID!

3. My kids came to live with us last May full-time. Their dad and I used to split them 50/50. This definitely leaves less time for my husband and I, and a lot less time just for me to get things done. Now I am cooking dinner EVERY night and making sure the kids have homework done, chores done, running around to different sporting events and practices. This is really exhausting, and new to me since I used to split this responsibility with their dad.

4. I rarely have time to even think about sex, or have a sex drive for that matter! My energy is zapped from all the other shit I’m doing which is clearly a problem. I will have to work on this…but not today. Honestly if ANYONE knows how I can magically make this better I would LOVE to know!

Apparently because I know how to parent and do a few other things well this equivalates to me believing I am perfect. Anyone who knows me well knows damn well that I have no problem pointing out my own flaws and inadequacies. I am the FIRST person to apologize SPECIFICALLY for what I have done wrong in a given situation. Does this mean I am NEVER going to screw up again in a like fashion and manner? Absolutely not! And why? Because I am HUMAN and NOT perfect. This really hurt my feelings. First of all I by no means believe that I am perfect, nor do I even remotely act like I am perfect. I protect the layers of myself from harmful surroundings. I can be mean, hurtful and demanding….but I know for a fact that I am NOT alone in this. If you are in a step-family you can probably relate to this especially if you got remarried when your kids were a little older.

It’s like “Hey, let’s blend these 4-5 people together who don’t really know each other that well and see how long they can keep it together without getting divorced. Maybe we set ourselves up for failure by getting remarried once we have brought children into the mix. But I will say this about MY children. They are ALWAYS respectful, they do as they are asked with no fuss, they get great grades and are involved in many positive activities.

I will say this one more time….I AM NOT PERFECT!!!!! I will say however, that I feel slightly like I’m going off the deep end…so if anyone has a rope and would like to throw it over for me to grab onto I would really appreciate the grace…..

Oh, did I mention that I struggle with severe anxiety and depression as well? No? Ok, well throw that into the mix as well…

~B

Talk around the shop….(Or is it therapy?)

Jan24

Some of the topics I discussed this week with my beloved clients…I build STRONG bonds with people everyday. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry. It’s more like 1 1/2 hours of therapy than clients coming to get their nails done. I love that they can open up so easily to me with such personal information…I have the BEST “job” ever!

1. I am going to court about my divorce this week…

2. I named my tumor “Bob”, so now I just blame everything on “Bob”

3. I had a baby that died at the hands of his father at 6 months old…

4. I am working to save my marriage because I know it’s what God wants

5. My granddaughter is getting her bone marrow tests done…she has leukemia

6. I woke up to my boyfriend slamming his elbow into my back when I was 4 months pregnant because he was drunk

7. My husband might have to go on deployment to Afganistan

8. I’m moving to Arizona…I will miss you Bridget and hope we can stay friends. (I am SOOO sad)….

9. I’m meeting Norman Reedus this weekend!

10. I have a step-daughter that thinks her father is dead….

11.My niece died from an accidental overdose on Tuesday…

12. I’m pretty sure I failed as a mother even though I loved them so much. I loved them to much by giving them whatever they want….

View from my shop...Perks of working from home.

View from my shop…Perks of working from home.

Just me….

Jan24

I really just want some peace and quiet. I LOVE my family but there was a time in which my husband worked every other weekend and on those same exact weekends I had methodically made it possible for those to be the EXACT same weekends that my children went to their dads. I’m not a very good “married” person. I tend to like my space, I don’t want to hear Ax-Men playing in the living room while I’m trying to write this post…The guy that narrarates Ax-men makes me want to poke my eye out with a VERY SHARPN stick! Since my kids are teens and they know I am super emotional tonight, they have both come down and given me kisses and hugs and have retired to their rooms for the remainder of the evening. I fee like I would love to rent a cabin on th beach all by myself and just get lost in writing. I don’t know that I am very good at writing, but I love to write nonetheless which is clearly why I started this blog.

I do wish I could generate some damn comments, I won’t lie. It would be nice to interact with other bloggers in the world. But you know what I have discovered since I have been blogging these last few weeks? I skim….I skim until something catches my eye. In my opinion I have written LOTS of good blog posts, but in all reality I am just another random girl, lying in her bed, writing about my life. And just when I thought I’ve come up with an original idea, BOOM!!!! someone or 50,000 someones have already written about the exact same thing and sometimes I swear they came into MY head and stole my BRILLIANT ideas. Like how none of this related? It’s because I am writing literally whatever comes to mind, because its MY blog and pretty much the only place in my life that I can do whatever I want….which I won’t lie…is a pretty amazing feeling.

I also didn’t take the time to edit this because I’m feeling lazy…and a little depressed.

Peace out~

~B

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