Tag Archive | relationships

Dear Craig….

“Dear Craig”

Long were the nights when
My days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps
Praying the floor won’t fall through, again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine

You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules everyday
Wonderin’ which version of you I might get on the phone, tonight
Well I stopped pickin’ up and this song is to let you know why

Dear Craig, I see it all now that you’re gone.
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home, I should’ve known.

Well maybe it’s me
And my blind optimism to blame
Or maybe it’s you and your sick need
To give love then take it away

And you’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret how I ignored when they said,
“Run as fast as you can.”

Dear Craig, I see it all now that you’re gone.
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home

Dear Craig, I see it all now it was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played by your dark, twisted games?
When I loved you so, I should’ve known.

You are an expert at “Sorry”
And keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes
Cause you’ve burned them out

But I took your matches
Before fire could catch me
So don’t look now
I’m shining like fireworks
Over your sad empty town

Dear Craig, I see it all now that you’re gone.
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home

I see it all now that you’re gone
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with?

*Taylor Swift song….I just changed a couple words to make it fit my feelings…

~B

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Lives Changed Forever

You really did it this time

Caught yourself in your war path…

lost you balance on the tight rope

lost your mind trying to get it back…

It was easier when you believed in everything

When everyone believed in you…

Are you innocent?

Did some things you couldn’t speak of…

The bottle makes you live it all again

Wasn’t it easier in your childhood days…

Wasn’t it beautiful before the monsters came after you

Your lights still shines for me…

Who you are is not what you did

Everyone of us has messed up too…

Lives changed forever

Changed

Let me know it’s not all in my mind

I want to go there and have you to find…

Everything has changed

All I know is that I want to say hello…

You and I walk a fragile line

it’s so dark and I can’t trust anything now…

I’m holding my breath

But I lose you again

Don’t leave me like this…

I still mean everything I said

I’m holding my breath

Your all I wanted…

I feel so haunted…

I know….I know…

your no good, you can’t be good…

Something went terribly wrong

I can’t breathe now that your gone…

The pain from the suicide has me trapped and walking a fragile line….

Negativity…

This whole blog thing was so
That I could write without judgment. I shouldn’t care what people think about what I write but it’s been brought to my attention by a couple people in my world. It makes me want to delete this and start a new one that no one knows me on. Is this blog really making people view me more negatively? I must wonder what people are t saying but thinking. But then I think, do I really care? The whole point was to NOT care. That’s turning out to be harder than I expected. Unexpected criticism is a blow…. Any thoughts on this? Please?

Seize Every Opportunity……

Tonight my son, Taylor, was telling me about one of the new friends he’s made at school. My son is a freshman and has never really hung out with a group of “guys” until just recently. Anyway, he was telling me how humbly this young man and his father live due to his father not making a lot of money. This young man had to grow up fast because his mother abandoned him and his father. They are Hispanic, and it sounds like the father works a crazy amount of hours 6 days a week to provide for his son. Taylor was telling me that they had some deep conversations a few nights ago. One of them caught my ear. He said his friend LOVES to cook, and would make a whole chicken and cornbread every night if he could.

I found this to be an EXCELLENT opportunity to teach my son about human conectivity….seeing a need and helping if possible. I got on Facebook, placed a wanted ad for a free or small fee rotisserie for this young man and his father. In about 10 minutes we got a response from a lady that had one she was willing to donate. Taylor was FLOORED that I cared enough to help his friend. But I know what it’s like to be that kid. I grew up very poor with a single mom who worked whatever hours she could get. It was hard.

I am NOT writing this post to get kudos for doing a good deed. I am writing it because I am hoping to inspire other parents to teach their children about kindness. We are living in a world that’s so “all about me” anymore and it’s sad. We should be helping one another where we can. I use EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY I can get to teach my kids a lesson in something. Every conversation can lead to a moment of opportunity to TEACH.

This conversation turned into me telling Taylor how many times I used to overdraft my checking account when I was a young adult because no one ever taught me what a budget was. This turned into giving him examples of several ways banks work.

I feel fortunate that I am so incredibly close with my children. When I talk, they listen. It’s important to build this foundation of trust from an early age.

I am also learning how to give them a LOT more freedom than I ever thought I would be giving them at their ages. They have earned these privileges. But that’s exactly what they are PRIVILEGES; because as fast as they earn them, if they mess up, they can be taken away. Lack of consistency in your discipline will cause your child to question whether you will stick to what you say. Let your YES be YES and your NO mean NO….PERIOD. DO NOT GIVE IN! Let them cry, throw fits, whatever, but do not give in because the second you do, they just learned that they can manipulate you to get what they want if their persistent long enough.

Every single moment is a learning opportunity; it’s your job to spot them and work the conversation into that opportunity without making it sound like a lecture. I’m a total softie when it comes to my kids when they are doing well, but I am a total hard-ass when they are screwing up. It’s a fine balance. It’s not easy and sometimes I stop to question if I am doing it right. But I know that I am doing the best I know how. My goal is to teach my kids all the lessons that I didn’t learn as growing up. Isn’t that the point? To break the cycle of dysfunction and help our children achieve their lives dreams?

So commit….if you are a mom or a dad it is your DUTY to commit to your child everyday. I know I am not perfect but I do give a lot of good advice I’m told. If you have a parenting question that you would like to ask please feel free to email me at nailtechconfessionals@gmail.com. Your question might be something someone else if wondering as well. We are a community, let’s help one another! If I don’t know the answer to your question, I will simply tell you. I won’t make you THINK I know what I’m talking about. I will write more on this later but I am really tired and gonna head to bed.

Loves,

~B

Straddling Faith…Do you?

I had the pleasure of seeing my client/friend Amy today. It is always a pleasure talking to her, but today was different. We talked about the trials and tribulations of life, we talked about the ups and downs and how we deal with each. As we sat and chatted it became quickly apparent that we are very much alike. When sadness falls we tend to withdraw from the world and hide.

She made a very striking point today. She said, “I find myself straddling faith most times.” I asked her what she meant. She said, “When times are dark, I notice how I praise the Lord and put all my faith in Him, but when times are good, I barely acknowledge his presence in my life!” I was dumbfounded when she said this because it struck so close to home for me. Now you don’t have to believe in God to understand what she’s saying here. When times are BAD we tend to pray to God, the universe, Buddha, or whatever higher power you believe in; for me it’s God. But when things are GOOD we don’t give credit where credit is due. I don’t hear myself thanking God when I’m doing wonderful, or anyone else just “thanking the universe” for a great day.

Amy said, I believe that God is allowing me to go through a valley in order for me to refocus on Him. My thoughts on this are “This is a pretty shitty Valley, Amy….but ok” lol. But….she’s RIGHT! God gives us valleys to draw us closer to Him. Which in some ways really freaks me out since I have strayed from God, and haven’t had any major valleys lately. I’d like to think that I always give God the credit for everything, but unfortunately that is not true. How can we take so much responsibility for all the blessings we are given?

I suppose this is where atheists believe that “fate” comes in. I don’t necessarily believe in fate or karma, however you will here me speak of it. When I say the words fate and karma, what I am truly saying is “God.”

Ever since I left my church I have become increasingly ashamed of my faith in God. Why is this? And more importantly, how AWFUL is this? Why should I be ashamed of what I believe? Because there are people out there who have given God a bad name? No one goes around giving the “universe” a bad name! I HATE the word Christian because there are so many HORRIBLE Christians in the world. I know several atheists who are better people than some of the Christians I know. Just because you claim to believe in God or anything else for that matter doesn’t automatically make you a good person. But I truly am a GOOD person. I am NOT perfect, I have tons of flaws, but I am a human being who generally has good intentions when it comes to others.

I would like to think that my friend, Amy, has given me a lot to think about when it comes to straddling faith. Do you straddle? I would love to hear other thoughts and opinions on this….

~B

Happy Valentine’s Day Hubby….

You saved me when I needed it most

I know that God was our host…

You are the most patient man I know

I think God knew you were the perfect beau…

Marriage has been quite tiresome it seems

BUT you now have me on your baseball team!

I don’t feel lonely on this day

Probably because you spoil me everyday…

You are my hero there is no doubt

You love me even when I’m acting out…

Thank you for putting up with me

I can’t imagine life without you Gary…

I love you…

~B

Our first date....

Our first date….